spending time 'off grid' and reflections on ageing and beauty ~
i’m so sorry for the delay in sending off this newsletter. this week i’ve travelled on a long haul to australia and have been spending time with family in a remote part of the country in new south wales. it’s been incredible, but also incredibly distracting as you can imagine. there’s been no phone reception the whole time and very weak wifi. so you could say i’ve kind of been off grid. what a much needed relief from the outside world. i’ll attach some photos below of the home we are staying in.
it’s honestly so beautiful and a dream holiday house. we’re here for my sister in laws 40th birthday and she organised the trip. last night we had a chef come and cook for us, the night before we had the most delicious home cooked meal that we picked up from a local cook. we’ve been living a very different life the past two nights and there’s been a lot of gratefulness journaling going on! but yeah, the reason i haven’t had much time to write is because i haven’t touched my computer and have been focusing on time with my daughter and her family. seeing her create new core memories has been so magical. i’m also so proud of her. she flew over here on that long haul like a pro and has settled into the new time zone with such grace. she’s my absolute angel and best friend. tom and i are deeply lucky to have her.
so, the theme i want to touch on in this months newsletter is ~ageing. i’ve become interested in this recently as i approach 40, and especially because when we travel home, im often made conscious of the fact that we’re looking older. when we have an australia trip approaching i have found my mind thinking about how i look, how people will perceive me and then ive found myself feeling worried and anxious. but as you’ll see, ive made a huge turn around with this pressure and have embraced who i am and what ageing represents.
for my whole life until the past year, i haven’t had many thoughts on ageing and haven’t really struggled with its physical signs. but recently i’ve noticed myself looking older and feeling sore and just slowing down. this would sound so ridiculous to a 75 year old, im sure. but tbh its true. that’s why ive started to really focus on getting strong through exercise. i’m so certain that i want to continue to eat well, hydrate, and start to focus on my physical strength and mobility. i assume this is common for people approaching middle age. and in terms of looking older from a beauty perspective, i feel like i have been at a crossroads and have chosen the path that sits right with me. the path that i want to role model to the people around me, especially my young daughter.
there’s that traditional modern beauty standard where we view youth as the benchmark of beauty. no wrinkles or fine lines means you’re “pretty”. somehow this doesn’t sit right with me, as i’m sure it doesn’t for a lot of people. it feels unachievable, a waste of money, time and spiritual energy. i can’t imagine trying to keep that up. ageing is inevitable and beautiful in and of itself. the sun spots on my skin, the fine lines beneath my eyes and on my forehead, the darkening of my teeth, my perimenopausal weight gain - these are all signs that i’m entering a new phase of my life and this phase is exciting and truthfully i’m the happiest, most confident and at ease i have been in my whole life.
so i think the physical markers of ageing are actually a really positive thing and i want people to see them as that. as i age i realise how much wisdom and perspective i have collected over the years. and those lines on my face are probably from the stressors which gave me that wisdom, so that to me is a sign of beauty.
as i approach menopause, im preparing myself for a completely different role in my life and in society. i truly believe women are so powerful and their bodies are god like. from the stretch marks from carrying a baby in their womb to the sagging breasts from feeding - it’s all beauty and wonder! i want to embrace who i am becoming and not hold onto the youth i once had. i will hold onto my memories, but not try to stop this metamorphosis. it’s my time to let go of the idea that i have to adhere to youthful beauty standards and embrace ageing in all its glory.
i now have a lot to say on beauty standards generally and the toxicity of the industry and how marketing is ruining young people’s perception of themselves. but for this newsletter i’m talking about the stage of life i’m in, and how i relate to the things that are coming up for me as i approach middle age.
but don’t get me wrong, i find myself slipping into those toxic thoughts at times and i then notice how shit they make me feel. and once i notice my mood has shifted into disappointment about who i am, that’s the point at which i forcefully snap myself back into my more positive and energising thoughts about beauty and how i perceive my changing face and body.
for those of you who are younger with different priorities or maybe you are stuck in negative thought patterns about another type of body image subject - your thoughts are more than welcome in the comments section too. and i know a lot of you are artists too so i would love to hear about how this industry does or doesn’t support ageing and the impact the industry has had on your thought patterns about all of this stuff.
thankyou for your patience with the delayed newsletter this week, love you all 🤍
I turn 40 in exactly a month. And I'm already mercurial about birthdays because of some stuff in my emotional makeup, but this one's a doozy. I've made three albums that have made fans of some of my musical heroes - great! I've produced an album for a Grammy-nominated artist that's basically a remix album of my first three albums - also great! But labels don't feel like listening to it, never mind getting back to me; and if they won't listen in my 30s, they definitely won't listen in my 40s (so the emotions say).
When we're young, we're touted to the world, if we're touted at all, based on our potential. This makes sense, given our lack of having done anything. But the trouble is that opening one door in life says that we're leaving the others closed. And that feels like we're reducing our overall potential, which is what we were primarily validated on for *years.* So we can get a perverse incentive to say yes to nothing, because that means we say no to nothing. I need to leave my 30s with an understanding that this will keep happening. I need to stop talking to other people like I'm a 19-year-old full of potential, because when I do that it's to validate - and therefore legitimize - teenage me over present me.