my relationship with money is evolving ~

why i'm removing greed and welcoming satisfaction

i want to write about something practical and hopefully relatable(?) this week - it’s the topic of money and how its precariousness relates to being an artist.

i want to first acknowledge my privilege in being able to rely wholly on my income from music for the past 5 years. statistics show that this is not usual practice. so many artists and creatives have a side hustle because life is really, really expensive and music just doesn’t pay well for most artists.

it’s so gross to say this and to see it like this, but i think artists also have to see their project as a business. business owners have to be financially literate, not only with our private finances but also the business we run. and this is where it gets tricky. the lines are so blurry.

i also have this theory that because music has become so democratised in the last decade or so, there are so many more artists from poorer or working class backgrounds. i feel like historically the arts and music has been for the bourgeoisie, and they probably haven’t had to learn financial literacy because they have been backed by their parents or a trust fund. easy. for someone like myself who comes from a working class family and has been thrown in the deep end with learning how to manage a business (without a back up plan), i find myself in a bit of a pickle!

djing is an interesting one. one gig could be extremely well paid, the other could be running at a loss. there’s times in the year (festival season) where you’re paid more. so for someone without financial literacy, the money comes in and you forget that the other half of the year you’re not earning anywhere near as much and you end up financially stressed and depleted and you have to make awkward decisions based on money. then you throw a child in the mix and you now find yourself needing to provide for another life and create stability within their childhood. it’s a huge undertaking and a wild learning curve.

i’ve really had to recalibrate my relationship with money. i think especially as an artist/business owner because not being on a salary means i have to have a very clear picture of income and outgoings. it’s also important to not think in “months”, rather we artists need to think in annual turnover terms.

when i tour as a dj, a lot of the time i have to pay for travel, accommodation, food, someone to organise all of this stuff, my booking agent, my management, and tax too of course. all completely valid and so worth it, but when an offer comes through, i know it’s nowhere near what i will be taking home. being an artist is expensive.

i’m not the type of artist who wants to be touring as a dj 3 times a week. i have a daughter who i want to be around for and the part of being an artist which i enjoy is making the actual music, recording my podcast, writing. a lot of these things aren’t going to make me super rich. and im realising thats ok.

last year i tried out djing on a regular basis, and my relationship with my daughter suffered because of it. i was away way too often and she felt that and started to reject me. that sounds harsh, but i think the poor thing just missed me. that’s why im taking it much slower this year with shows, and bringing tom and my daughter with me when i tour.

by playing fewer shows, and having higher outgoings (travelling with 2 other people becomes expensive), ive found im not able to make ends meet. it’s stressful and not at all good for motivation and creativity. its a conundrum.

but then i scrape together whatever brain cells i hae and i realise im thinking month to month and not using my own advice of seeing the profit and loss of the whole financial year. it’s a wild ride and can become quite stressful when you forget the wisdom you’ve been taught.

i’m a person who is driven by values. i value family, growth, integrity, safety, health, justice. i hope you all can see this. but sadly, the fact that i am staying true to my values has meant that i have had to take a hit financially. again, that’s ok. the self talk i have around this stuff is that i would much rather have a modest (yet healthy) income and stay true to my values than to sell my soul to corporations and major labels and lose all of my integrity in the process. i want to be remembered as an artist who cared for the world and the people who inhabit it.

i also care so deeply about my daughter and our relationship, she is everything to me. but sometimes i find myself wondering - what if i were to go back to what i was doing last year - yes, we would be financially thriving but i wouldn’t see my daughter 3 nights a week. i think money can be a trap. earning more and more and more isn’t the goal for me. i heard jamz supernova talk about this on jayda g’s podcast. she spoke about the fact that if you are striving to be “rich” then it comes at a cost. and that’s so true. like jamz, i strive to invest myself in projects that fulfil me. i make music that feeds my soul and is true to me. music that energises me. and i’m so grateful to be signed to a label that both supports me financially but also artistically.

i often think about artists who are on a major label journey and the pressure put on them to be a certain version of themselves online and on stage. but i question their authenticity. this sounds harsh but i truly wonder what part of their output is them

and what is pressure from the major.

i adore the position i am in. i don’t make much from this substack, but i do it because, again, it feeds my soul. i am

challenged by it and it excites me. i never want to stop doing things that make me feel this way. it’s so, so important to me. and who knows, maybe one day it’ll take off and it will become something that sustains me financially too. i welcome that idea with open arms!

i think djing has so many of us in a chokehold. don’t get me wrong, i enjoy it, i really do. as does everyone who is out there playing shows. but there are sacrifices you have to make as a dj. it can be so lonely and exhausting and stressful. also when you are a mother and a professional dj it becomes even more complicated. you can feel so torn. sometimes i fantasise about having a 9-5 job because djing isn’t exactly the type of job where you think “oh that would be ideal for a person with a young kid”. but there’s so much about it which actually really suits motherhood. i get so much downtime, i travel with my family to see all parts of the world, it pays well, it’s fun and fulfilling and creative too. so no, i wouldn’t choose a 9-5.

i think sometimes i need to take stock. like i tend to do on here. and see my life for what it is. sure i’m not “rich” in assets or capital, but i truly feel rich in authenticity, satisfaction and have a very harmonious life. there’s high highs and low lows when it comes to income, but when i stop and rub my eyes, i can see that i feel a huge amount of success in my work and life. i don’t need to own a few homes and have 200k in the bank to feel that. i feel it now. i rent a beautiful apartment, eat healthy food (which shouldn’t be a luxury but it is), i adore all of my possessions, my family, my friends, my health and my work. writing this down gives me a huge amount of peace and satisfaction. i pray that if you’re reading this and are struggling, know that i once struggled too. i was on a disability pension when i was in my 20s and didn’t know what the hell my role in this world was. i struggled with complex ptsd, psychosis, depression, suicide attempts, many hospitalisations, self harm, physical and sexual assault. the works. but i got through it. and so can you. remain hopeful, believe in yourself and know you’ve got this. then someone will come along and see the spark inside you and will help to keep it alight. community is everything, but you must be the first person to see that light inside you. sometimes it can take years to find, but it’s there - we all have it within us ❤️‍🩹 sending love, peace and strength to you all.